Stop Trying To Find Your Soulmate, Here's Are 4 Things You Should Do Instead
Have you ever heard of the saying, “love is not something we find, it’s something we do?” I’m not sure who came up with this phrase (and I apologize for not giving proper credit), but it changed my life. There is a moment when you fall in love (and it's not the moment you find your soulmate). It’s a moment where you think to yourself, whoa, did that really just happen? You ask yourself this question because the feeling of falling in love is unexplainable. It can sneak up on you, fill you with joy, and make your body tingle in different ways.
We spend a considerable amount of our lives trying to find something that most of us will never find. Love is such an elusive emotion, and we usually feel like something is wrong with us because other people seem to have found it easier than we have. But the truth is, we are looking for love and our soulmates in all the wrong places, and it’s time to stop.
In this post, I’ll be addressing one of the most common questions that we get asked as relationship coaches: “Is there someone out there for me?”. No matter your situation or circumstance, if you're single and searching for that special someone, then you've got enough on your plate without having to deal with this question too. Let’s dive in.
1. Stop focusing, start creating and attracting
I think one reason why the "finding a soul mate" cult is so common is because it gives you an excuse for being single. You know what I mean. It's like when people say "I'm still looking for my true love." When you want to attract something you speak to it as it it's already there, so stop saying that.
If you're in an unhappy relationship and you're still trying to find that soul mate, then of course, by all means, figure out if there's a way to make the relationship work but don’t stick around if you conclude that they are not complimenting you. But if you're single and you want to be in a relationship, then stop talking about soul mates and start focusing on becoming a Powermate so that you can attract one.
The main reason why relationships are hard is not because we're trying to find some perfect person who doesn't exist. It's because we're trying to get someone else to change their behavior to fit our mold instead of changing ours and becoming the best versions of ourselves that we are absolutely in love with.
So here's what you should do: Focus on yourself. Improve your own behavior and see what happens.
2. Take a reality check
While you might feel like it's an impossible task, I say that you have to be realistic. There is not one person that is going to truly fulfill ALL of your needs, or the other way around. The reality is that attracting your "Powermate" (and yes, those quotation marks are intentional) is going to take a lot of work on both sides. To be with someone who is going to be a good fit for you, you're going to need to accept that there will be certain qualities or things that they just won't have. You have to know your top priorities and non-negotiables to know how high on your list these things that they may be missing are.
I'm not saying give up on what you want or expect from a partner, but I am saying that it's important to be realistic in your expectations. If you set your standards so high that no one could ever reach them, then you'll continue to look for the person who is even close to being right for you. Instead of looking for "the one", focus on attracting someone who can make you happy, and who will also bring happiness and positivity into your life. This person will be your compliment.
3. Don't look to someone else to fill a hole in your life
You know the saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." It's not just a platitude. It's true.
We often make the mistake of looking at our relationships as something that needs to be fixed. If only I had a better partner, we tell ourselves, then everything would fall into place.
Over time this pattern becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because you attract people who are looking for something you're not giving to yourself. No relationship is perfect, but many of us are unhappy in our relationships because we're focused on what's wrong with them instead of what's right. We're looking outside ourselves to fill a hole in our lives instead of cultivating happiness from within.
Your life is not a romantic comedy and you are not the main character.
If someone is your Powermate, that's great! But if you're looking for someone to "complete" you, or fill a void in your life, or make you happy, then you're going to be disappointed. (And you'll attract people who are also looking to be disappointed.)
Your job is to create a fulfilling life of your own so that you have something great to share. And if someone else can enhance your life, then great — but don't go hunting for them. In Powermate land we don’t “chase”, we “attract”. The more complete and fulfilled you are as an individual, the more able you'll be to recognize what a good relationship looks like and move towards it.
4. Know what you bring to the table
When it comes to dating, most people have the same goal: to find their soulmate. What they don't realize is, they're using the wrong strategy to get there. They're trying too hard and being desperate in the process.
The thing is, you don't need a soulmate to be happy. You need someone who is going to bring value into your life and treat you well, but that's it.
You might not even want a lifelong partner or marriage. In fact, you may very well enjoy being single and having fun with dating different people from time to time. It's all about finding a partner who makes you feel good in the moment rather than one who meets every one of your long-term goals forever.*
So how do you go about finding this person? People are attracted to others who are self-confident and exude confidence. So no matter what type of person you're looking for, if you aren't confident in yourself, you won't attract them.
To build self-confidence and become more attractive, focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses.
The bottom line is: being a better you will attract people, it doesn't matter if it's into a relationship or friendship. Show the world what you are capable of, share your knowledge and give them excellent examples of who you are. Don't just go for looks or status, go for character and personality. You will be surprised at how thankful the right one will be when they have come into your life.
If we missed anything, please email us at email@example.com!
About the Authors
Rio and Micca Watkins are Powermate Relationship Strategists, Transformational Speakers, and 3x Best Selling Authors. They are also coaches and matchmakers who champion busy singles who are sick and tired of the old way of building relationships and are ready to have peaceful, drama-free love. Rio and Micca use their voices to amplify healthy relationships. Most notable are their appearances in Speakers Magazine, Living the Principles podcast and the Black Speakers Network (BSN) podcast. They use their proprietary Powermate Attraction Framework: Vision + Plan + Action (VPA)© to help singles do dating differently!