You Can't Date Everyone So Don't Pretend You Can
It’s a total jungle out there. And I don’t mean the human kind. The same story happens over and over again. A hot guy or girl asks you out. You go on a date and hit it off. You like them, they like you, it seems like things are going exactly according to plan. Then you start developing feelings for them...and suddenly….they’re no longer hot but just someone who isn’t good for you. You turn around and ask yourself, am I settling for a dud who will treat me like dirt OR should I keep looking for a heartthrob that melts my heart?
Rule number one: Figure out what you want from online dating
If you're looking for a pen pal, be upfront. If you're looking for something a little more serious, make that clear, too. There are different types of dating and believe me, everyone is not looking for the same thing.
It's also important to create a profile that's honest and unique. This means avoiding generic headlines like "Looking to meet someone new" or "Looking for a guy who can make me laugh." You don't need to spill your life story, but give people some insight into your personality. Remember that this is not a business networking site and include your hobbies or what kind of music you like. If you're not sure what to write about yourself, ask friends for feedback or search through profiles of people with similar interests as yours for ideas. We recently asked our clients to ask on their social media what words come to mind when they think of them, and they have used those words in their profile.
Rule number two: Get clear on the type of guy you want to date
Many single women these days are swamped with messages on online dating sites. It's hard enough to sort through them all on your own, but it becomes even more difficult if they all seem the same. No one wants to read through a bunch of generic "hey" and "how are you?" messages.
Here's how to stand out from the crowd:
Keep it short. Everyone is too busy these days, and as much as you may want to share your life story in every message you send, you should try to keep things short and sweet to grab the reader’s attention.
Stand out with humor. People like funny people! A little sarcasm goes a long way, but don't overdo it to the point where your messages sound mean or hurtful.
Show personality. Don't just write about yourself — ask the other person questions about himself or herself! If nothing else, this will help you find out whether he or she is worth your time in addition to helping you stand out from the crowd.
Be specific. Don't say "I love hiking." Say "I love hiking at sunset on Wednesdays in Central Park." If you're looking for someone who loves hiking as much as you do, that makes it much more likely that he lives nearby and he may just be looking for what you are looking for. It’ll be a great conversation starter.
Rule number three: Do your research on the best ways to meet the kind of guy you want
If you want to attract the right kind of guy, you need to be proactive. To find your dream man, take the reins in your own hands and make yourself as appealing as possible.
If you're looking for a serious relationship, you need to be prepared to spend some time and effort searching and making yourself available to the right man.
Find a friend or family member who knows the type of guy in question, and ask if they can try to set up a date with him. This is an especially good way to meet someone if you and your family have close relationships with the same people, and these are the type of people that you can see yourself in a relationship with.
Treat yourself. Go out on a movie date, go shopping for clothing or beauty products, or go for a manicure or pedicure. You may want to take a friend along for company, but even if you do, it will be worth your while because you'll feel refreshed and more confident about how you look when you meet someone new. This will produce that “happy hormone” dopamine, that is great for manifesting what you want.
Attend networking events. Networking events allow people of all ages and backgrounds to network professionally with each other in an atmosphere that isn't as intense as a job interview. Check online listings for local networking events in your area, or even virtual events; these are often geared toward young professionals looking to advance their careers, but can be a great way to meet other success-driven singles.
Use adult dating sites or apps. There are many dating sites and apps specifically designed for adults looking for love. Try one of these routes — they can help you feel more confident that there are others out there just like you, but remember, not everyone is looking for what you are looking for so make sure that your profile represents you well.
Rule number four: Make a plan
When it comes to men, we women are all the same. We want a man that treats us well, is fun to be around, and that we feel comfortable with. The problem is that we don't always know what kind of guy will treat us well. In order to date the right guy, you need to make a plan. Here are 4 tips for finding and dating the right guy:
1. Make a list of qualities you want in a boyfriend. It's important to know what you want when you're looking for love. Write down your list of "must-have" qualities for a boyfriend.
2. Keep an eye out for guys who match your list of must-have qualities! If you see someone who matches what you're looking for, ask him out on a date!
3. Share your list with your friends. Your friends need to know about the qualities that you have on your list, so that they can be accurate when filtering out potential dates.
4. Go places where there are lots of men – volunteering at soup kitchens or food banks, playing sports like softball or volleyball, going to bars – most single men hang out in these places!
Whether you are looking for love or just finding some new friends, putting effort into your dating life is crucial. You need to make sure that you get out of the house and put yourself in situations where you are likely to meet the men you actually want to date who are at the level you desire. If you want to meet someone special, set a goal to complete three activities that may lead to meeting someone that is ready to date the same way you are each week. One is better than zero—you never know what could happen!
About the Authors
Rio and Micca Watkins are Powermate Relationship Strategists, Transformational Speakers, and 3x Best Selling Authors. They are also coaches and matchmakers who champion busy singles who are sick and tired of the old way of building relationships and are ready to have peaceful, drama-free love. Rio and Micca use their voices to amplify healthy relationships. Most notable are their appearances in Speakers Magazine, Living the Principles podcast and the Black Speakers Network (BSN) podcast. They use their proprietary Powermate Attraction Framework: Vision + Plan + Action (VPA)© to help singles do dating differently!